I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
