Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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