It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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