In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
