is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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