Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she peed on how many people?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
