I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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