Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my being single is dangerous.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
