and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Drunk is not a location!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
