I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
