that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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