Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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