And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You're like the curious george of whores
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
