The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
