Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
