Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
