I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
