Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
