you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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