i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just forgot I was standing up.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
