I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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