watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
