So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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