i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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