You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
