so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You have to summon your inner elephant
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
