Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
