that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I love you.
Bad choice
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
