i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize