she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
