Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
