in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
