The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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