After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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