There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Two words: blizzard sex
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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