it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
