I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
