The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
