He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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