Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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