Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
