Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
