evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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