fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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