oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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