Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
