wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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