If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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