I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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