It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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