i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
