But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
