I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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