So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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