I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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