Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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