that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
