The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
