I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
