well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
