Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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