i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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