I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
