I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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